you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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