somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
