when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
