Me. At least after what I've been through.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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