I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
