your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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