yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
