I need help removing her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
