I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just gargled with NyQuil
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
