Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
