Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
