Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
