Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
