i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
