I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
