i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize