girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize