There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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