I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
