we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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