Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
