He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
