I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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