so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
