Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
