Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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