moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
