all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
