Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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