2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
