I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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