Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
