I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
