3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
