I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he shaved USA in his pubs
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
