you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
