i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
