I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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