pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize