It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
