I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
