Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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