Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
