Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
