Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
