ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
