So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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