Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
