My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
