What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
