That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
