I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
