A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
