We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
