I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
