I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
