3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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