her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
