I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
