i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
