It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
