wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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