My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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