Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
