For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
