Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
