i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
