I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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