Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
