Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
