SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
