i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
