I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
