Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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