Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
