I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
