god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
