i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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