Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
