Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
