i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
