i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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